9 Confessions Of A Girl Who Used To Date A Short Guy

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Either that, or you can work to fund a research project to figure out which part of our DNA causes guys under six foot tall to be drawn to women over 5 foot seven, and weighing more than they do. Of course, this can also happen with a tall guy. And the Dear John letter followed. They're standing beside me and I notice I don't seem any higher than their shoulder.

Generally a quiet and calm man. I typically like to date people that aren't too tall - mainly because then I can wear their clothing. Here's where therapy or rigorous self-searching might be handy. You starve till he gets home.

Do Short Men Stand A Chance?

And what are you fishing for with this question? Are you funny, are you smart, are you kind? So, yes, you are overestimating the importance of your height. However, insecurity stinks from a mile away, so maybe you've confused women being turned off by your appearance with women being turned off by your attitude. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hot date- with a man much shorter than me. Size does not equate to desirability, especially not for a woman you'd want to marry. However, if being small means you are less sure of yourself or less willing to try, then yes. Keep your head up and don't stop getting up. On preview: this is pretty much what PinkSuperhero said, but in my own words. And even insecurity is attractive to women with earth-mother type personalities. In answer to your question: Your height is around 80th percentile for white women in the US and closer to 20th percentile for men. What that means is that around 75% of white women in the US are shorter than you are, although it may not seem like it heels, etc. The major criterion most women express to each other about height in men is that he be taller than she is, so you're in OK shape there. Your weight could pose a problem for a lot of women, because of the brutal appearance expectations in our culture. For example, you and I are the same height, but just reading the number of pounds you weigh makes me feel like a hippo. And I hate my body a lot less than many women hate theirs. So I went to your website and your Flickr site. You're a vibrant person with a good aesthetic sense. You are in San Francisco - this is also good. I instruct you to come to the next SF Meetup February 11 or swing over to the next Berkeley meetup January 29 , and live women can evaluate you in person. I mean, you can increase your social circle, which increases the probability of meeting people who are already disposed to be curious about you and are not as hung up on your height and weight as stranger might be - perhaps, by mere presence, even give them a chance to be specifically attracted by those qualities. Not that I think you do that, ldandersen, just saying! He's asking if his build is a problem in attracting women. Personality types are as involuntary as eye color as far as I can tell, so telling people to be something they're not ie, confident isn't all that productive. Again, I'm not accusing you of anything, just voicing some thoughts I've had on this issue. Not to say that I'd rule such a guy out, but it would be something that I'd have to fight. Thankfully for you girls like me are pretty rare so you're still in good shape. If you're having problems finding girls your height probably isn't the root cause... Although I do concur with caitlinb regarding weight issues. When I see a vertically challenged man with a much taller woman I always think that man has it going on. I think that the height issue is often the man's problem, not the woman's. I went out with a guy a few times that would make comments about the high heels that I wore and how they made me taller than him. It showed his lack of self confidence and was a real turn off. Don't let that be you. That type do not suit eyeliner, but I still go weak at the knees for a man in nail-varnish. No, I don't understand either. I know that the girls I meet and like are bookish, nerds, diy culture, musicians, artists, etc.. They're not looking for a beefcake trophy boy, they're smarter than that. Yes, your initial paragraph is overstating the importance. I agree that for the most part personalities are pretty much set by the time that one reaches adulthood. Telling people to be more confident is probably not the most productive answer, but it is the truth. Although it maybe difficult, people can at least work on aspects of their personalities that may help them lead a fuller life. And the biggest thing most people have to work on in their personalities is acceptance, embracing other people the way they are. Let the original poster decide whats of value and what isnt. I dont think its fruitful to start a debate here. My opinion, and thats all it is, is that height is only an issue if you let it be, which is what I think many other posters are trying to say. There's something to be said about having the self-confidence to believe that, yes, that tall, pretty girl is attainable or perhaps, she may not be, but it wont be because of your height. I am not the best looking guy in the world or the worst , but for YEARS I blamed my inability to attract women to my looks. It actually took therapy for me to realize that this was a lazy excuse. Someone here said we are stuck with our personality. I'd say that while SOME aspects of personality are immutable, not all are. After working on my personality, I WAS able to attract women and I've now been happily married to an extremely attractive woman for seven years. Listen to the women here: CONFIDENCE. One CAN go from being less confident to being more confident. Sometimes it just happens with age. Sometimes people need help i. I would also add that there's a way that women could help out a bit more. We men tend to suspect women are being dishonest about their feelings. Most women SAY that they don't care all that much about looks, but then we hear them swooning over George Clooney. We also notice that the really good-looking guys seem to have dates all the time. When we get older, we realize that GETTING a date isn't the be-all-and-end-all. How many of these guys have meaningful relationships? I realize that looks aren't the only or even the main thing that matters for most women. And I realize that, for many women, a less-than-physically attractive man can become more physically attractive if he has certain compensating traits. I think many women hold back from the complete truth because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Also unlike men , some women are raised to feel like there's something wrong with them if they admit to liking a hot body. But I'd like to hear a woman be 100% honest about the role looks play for her. If you're not, you still have a chance with me, but you'll have to work harder. You will be taller than most women. I usually find myself more attracted to taller rather than shorter guys, but it's by no means a dealbreaker, and you're in a middle range where the woman will probably not even really think about your height unless she is particularly tall to start with she may unconsciously have a less intense attraction to you, as some women do respond to height, though. If you don't want to, though, don't do it to attract someone - it's like false advertising : As others have said, it's more important how you comport yourself. Get past what you're expecting people to think on appearance and work on being you, whoever or whatever that is. Some women will be bothered by it, but don't expect all of them will be. I think that in a bar or crowd you may be at a disadvantage heightwise it's harder to catch someone's eye across a crowded room maybe , but in groups or more casual settings, you're fine. And what everyone else said about not worrying about it. Physically speaking, I happen to be attracted to strong facial features, and that's what's common across the men I dated seriously or for any length of time. Very few women are going to include or exclude men on height and those who do are usually very tall or very short, and they're doing it so that they don't feel freakish in my experience, with people I've known. Even then, I married a funny, smart guy. If he wasn't funny and smart, the fact that I subconciously find his straight, dark eyebrows, high cheekbones, and strong chin attractive wouldn't matter. Yeah, but telling someone that confidence is more important, attraction-wise, than skinniness, should be productive. Maybe that realization will increase his confidence. For what it's worth, I swoon over George Clooney but the men I fall for tend to be funny looking. I have a theory that gorgeous guys never have to develop a personality. And I'll pick interesting dinner conversation over cheekbones any day. Also, the most key thing for any insecure guy to know is that girls are fifty bazillion times more insecure than you can ever understand. The most gorgeous supermodel secretly thinks she's hideous and no one will love her. We are all taught from day one that our looks matter and it scars us. Okay, I'm generalizing terribly but it applies to an overwhelming majority of women in my experience. No disrespect, CL, but I don't see how that's possible. And how many females a man can attract is crucial to a males self-esteem and to the esteem he is held in by his peers right or wrong , so that creates an incredible amount of pressure around this stuff. Grooming, however, goes a long way. Don't focus on factors that you cannot change height, weight, facial features because as long as you're clean and decent, people focus less on your appearance and more on the other things you're up for offering. This goes for ANY type. Keep your teeth clean, make sure your breath and your armpits don't stink and that your hair including facial hair is reasonably kempt, wear clothes that aren't soiled or ill-fitting, and you're good to go. I suppose this goes hand in hand with confidence as well. Never underestimate the power of a toothbrush! But, I think it was weirder for me than for her. I have no doubt that women exist who wouldn't want to date someone as small as I am, but then again I also have my own personal restrictions on women that exclude some from the dating pool. So do you, I imagine. You're shorter than average. I don't mean that as a dis, but just as the attitude you should take to it. You're not going to will yourself taller, so don't think about it unless you're buying clothes or reaching for pickles on a high shelf. Follow furious brush's directions and you'll be dandy. I also second what availablelight said. Personality always wins out over physical appearance for me, I've been attracted to people of all different sizes and descriptions. I tend to fall for scrawny geek guys. I agree with whoever said that weight issues will probably be more of a problem than your height. None of my boyfriends has seemed threatened by the fact that I outweighed them by anywhere from 20-60 pounds, but some of the non-boyfriend crushes had an issue with my size. I've also dated a guy actually three inches shorter than me not counting heels, which I didn't wear. The ones that became full-blown relationships were all kindhearted, funny, interesting, smart people, excepting the first, who taught me everything I needed to know about the importance of putting kindness ahead of all the other factors. If you cultivate those aspects of yourself, you're far more likely to find a worthwhile woman to love you. But will you see her, if she's much taller, heavier, or different somehow from your physical ideal? I've known plenty of men who physically didn't do a thing for me until the conversation started. Likewise, I've known lots of men who disqualified themselves from the running as soon as they opened their pretty mouths to spill out their ugly thoughts. So, don't be so quick to take yourself out of the running, and give the same gift to other people. The hardest thing to do, if you've ever been seriously lonely for a long while, is to keep open enough to see the possibilities in other people. That means chancing rejection, refusing cynicism, pursuing a full life, and taking care of yourself in all ways so that you are as attractive and interesting as possible to the right woman when she comes along. Best of luck to you. Yeah, it's just one of those things. Men are given much more leeway than women, I believe I would disagree. I think things are about equal. Men might, when talking to each other, rate women on a 1 to 10 scale and anyone who isn't busty and hot will get given a 6 or less, but privately most don't think this way. As it is, men will pretty much settle for anything that will date them. I have found, bizarrely, that women tend to be pickier over appearance, although perhaps it isn't so bizarre when you consider that most women receive significantly more advances than the average man. A couple of my best friends in HS were guys smaller than me I'm not quite 5-6. It was a small HS, there weren't that many guys smaller than me. Two of my bestest girly word. We used to joke about it. One of my bestest friends now is a smaller guy. I think he's shorter than me, but I don't really know. It's not important to either of us. We like to talk to each other, we like the same kinds of things, and we make each other laugh and think, sometimes at the same time. Nothing else really matters. If a girl doesn't want to be friends with you because you're short, maybe she's not the kind of girl you want to have as a friend.... Don't let it bother you. Keep yourself neat and clean, develop interests outside of finding a girl, and the girls will find you. It may take a while, though. That way the shorter male has a good dating pool, and those of who never got to dance in junior high because we were too tall have a field open to us too. I'd bet that's probably the ratio in real life too. So screw us and figure the numbers are actually with you. Doesn't make them bad people, or insecure or anything, it just means that they are attracted to certain things. Height is a factor for some people, but not for everyone. There's nothing you can do to change how tall you are, so there's no reason to get all bent out of shape over it. Clooney - he's not particularly good looking. He's actually fairly average in the looks department. What makes him attractive is the sparkle in his eye, his grin, his sense of humour. That is, don't fret about the girls who don't like you because you're small; go find the girls who do. Easy for me to say, though, I guess; I'm huge. Truth is, we live in a lonely, rough world, and anything that makes you feel safe and at home is worth hanging onto, regardless of meaningless details like height and weight. Love is like humor, you laugh or you dont, you love or you don't, thinking too hard about it is to analyze it to death. Not being sexually attracted to someone who's smaller than you has nothing to do with being friends with that person. And not finding a particular feature attractive doesn't make someone a bad person. I know we are trying to help raise the poster's confidence here--and that is a worthy cause--but it doesn't need to be done by impugning others. Yeah, it's just one of those things. I find this bizarre. I'm 5'9 male and I don't consider myself to be short at all. I suppose that, depending on what pool of men you're comparing yourself to, you may be right, but it couldn't matter less. There's no tallness competition going on. I've never been rejected that I know of for being too short, though I have dated some girls who have told me that they usually go for taller guys, a statement that has always bewildered me. Still, I'm not really attracted to women taller than me, so maybe in my life this tends to be a convenient non-issue. I've always been self-concious about my size, have always felt like a child, insubstantial with zero presence, and I suppose that's retarded my personality so I can't compensate in the way people here have suggested. They're standing beside me and I notice I don't seem any higher than their shoulder. I wonder how I could ever compete, these larger people just seem more grown up, more admirable because of their size. But then I see other guys who are as small as me, smaller even, and they're able to joke and talk with people, act like adults without feeling all phoney and contrite and I start wondering how they do it, if they just don't understand they're the size of an eighth grader. I guess size or any factor of appearance becomes a problem if it seems like a problem inside you. Most of the world manages to pair up despite being clearly less attractive than Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn. One of the fringe benefits to dating guys who are not super tall is that I don't have to stand on tiptoe to kiss them. My take is pretty much like everyone here, in that there's always someone who will like your attributes, appearance, etc. There are even some girls who are attracted to insecure, dopey man-children like my girlfriend. But see, I'm doing the expat thing in China, and I'm ginormous here, and it feels really good. Short depends on who you're chasing. The weirdest thing, though, and probably the most encouraging, is that you'll see these scrawny little dudes with moppy hair and natty shoes walking around with goddesses who are as often taller than the men as not. And I mean every day. These guys are small even by Chinese standards, and they probably live with their parents and spend the majority of their free time sitting in a net bar chain-smoking and playing CS, and they're definitely not rich, but somehow they routinely seem to get the most desirable women. It defies all conventional wisdom, and so the only conclusion I can make is that they must be incredibly devoted, charming, gentle, funny guys. The tiny ones who I've become friends with sure are. I generally prefer chubby men, but when I first clicked on your blog and saw the signs of a fellow Mac addict, everything else just faded into the background:- So don't underestimate other factors. Most of us grew up and continue to live in the same image-conscious culture that more or less programs us to find some part of our physicality dissatisfying. If you find a girl attractive, and you start feeling self-conscious about your height or weight, don't automatically assume that she's as aware of it as you are. I know, all of this is easier said than done, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. Also, what caitlinb said. I'm an average-looking woman whose weight tends to fluctuate, and I used to feel I was single because I was unattractive to men. Then I realized that I was turning down men a lot more often than I got turned down. Sure, a lot of guys aren't interested in me, but a lot of guys are. So now my approach is that I am doing the choosing. I focus on getting to know guys I think I'm interested in rather than trying to impress them or assuming they won't be attracted. This is a very empowering attitude and insulates me from a lot of hurt, because who cares if someone I don't want anyway doesn't want me. And I know I'd so much rather be with someone who demonstrates interest in getting to know me than someone who is trying to get me to like him. No one ought to write himself or herself off as a person because of their physical appearance, whatever it is. I hope you succeed in changing the way you feel about your height, both for your own sake, and for the sake of your chances of success in meeting someone, if you want that. Ask yourself this - there are a lot of overgrown apes out there who have women in their lives and treat them like shit, and there are a lot of happily paired-off short men out there, while you're alone. Does that seem right or inevitable to you? It was largely the horror of recognition. Fifteen years ago and most of my life up until that point , I WAS TimTypeZed. There are too tough issues here that we're avoiding. I suspect we're avoiding them because they are tough. We've established here that height need not be an impediment to having a relationship. But one's feelings about oneself lack of confidence, etc. The sad fact is that knowing this truth isn't a solution though one MUST know it to begin to find the solution. The solution is to change one's feelings, and that is hard to do. For most of us, feeling aren't overtly controllable. So how DO you become more confident? There's no quick prescription. And there's no one-size-fits-all prescription. Some people need therapy. Some people need to focus on non-dating activities becoming really good at their job or hobby. Some people need to age a little. Some people need all-of-the-above. Some people need to get to the bottom of WHY they feel so insecure. It's probably false to say that we feel insecure because we're short fat, whatever. If we suddenly, magically gained height, we would probably still feel insecure. Here's where therapy or rigorous self-searching might be handy. For me and this is probably a common story around here , I was an eccentric child. I was different that my peers, and this put me at the bottom of the grade-school totem pole. I was bullied and teased. And, since I lived in the same town until college, my bad reputation followed me through High School. Any girl who would have dated me back then would have had to be -- at a young age -- incredibly self-assured. Girls tend to be much more socially-embedded than boys, and any girl who dated me would have be dragged down the social ladder with me. I really think that in high school I WAS undatable. This was not true in college, but by that time I was internally damaged. Since I'd had little experience with girls in high school, I was also socially backward. I didn't understand how to talk to a girl. And just getting a date was SUCH a big deal to me, I screamed desperation. For me, therapy was the key. That -- and aging. It also got better as the girls became women. They matured too and started looking for deeper things in a man. I had to learn to SEE that and not to assume that grown women were still high school girls. Okay, that's one problem. Problem number two is what I call the There-Are-Many-Fish-In-The-Sea Fallacy. People keep advising the poster to stop pursuing the girls who don't find him attractive and focus on other girls who do. I've heard this a zillion times. Most of aren't just looking to be loved. We're looking to be loved by that special, particular someone. This isn't true for ALL people. Some people really CAN find happiness with any of a great many number of people. In the first 30 years of my life, I only fell in love once. Luckily, I'm married to her. So even after getting over my own lack-of-confidence, I had to get over my own pickiness. Well, I didn't get over it. I don't think I could EVER get over it. I just got very very lucky. If my marriage ever ended, I'm not saying I would be alone for the rest of my life thought that's possible , but I wouldn't be at all surprised if it took me a decade or two to find someone else. It's a powerful fantasy to assume that attractiveness is a universal factor, and the little rating games both men and women play with their friends don't help. If you're insecure and weakwilled, you're going to be heavily influenced by whatever you think the group consensus will be on a potential mate, or on yourself. Interesting people become that way by departing from group consensus and defining their own tastes and preferences for themselves. Once you know your own values, what's truly attractive to you, likely romantic prospects will reveal themselves to you. Also, grumblebee: I don't think anyone's advocating for being indiscriminate, or settling -- just openness and self-confidence. And if the poster just wants to have a date -- or to be able to casually date -- then things shouldn't be too hard. I just know that when I was going through tough times romantically, people always gave me useless advice. That's the hard part. And I don't think there IS an answer to that problem. It's part of the pain of being human. We may also be trying to brush a difficult problem under the rug. There's no way I'll be able to respond to all of the wisdom here--I guess that will teach me to post something on here and then not check it for half a day! I would say that worries over my height are one of the biggest causes of this lack of confidence, though there are others my experience is a lot like grumblebee's, to be honest. I sincerely appreciate knowing that my build is not universally a deal-killer special props to caitlinb with her detailed statistics :-. Armed with that knowledge, I'll at least be less likely to take myself out of the running before I've even had a chance to be considered. Also, melissa may: I think you've got some really sage advice about a whole bunch of things, and I appreciate it. I do need to be less concerned about what groups of friends think I think my friends are actually holding me back in some ways , and I definitely need to concentrate on just being an interesting person something I think I actually used to be before I became preoccupied with all of this. Thanks again to everybody who chimed in--this is an amazing community we've got here! Or the same height. Tall men are often more attractive from a distance or at first sight, but once I get to know someone it doesn't matter much at all. Personality is more important. NB: Some short men have a napoleonic complex, i. If you avoid trying to compensate for your height by being overly agressive or macho, there is no reason for girls not to want you. I don't care, I probably didn't even notice almost everyone is shorter than me, it doesn't make much of an impression , and when you harp on it you make me feel grotesque and monstrous. I know you have to deal with stereotypes of men as tall strong providers, but please consider that I have to deal with stereotypes of women as petite delicate flowers and try to have some sympathy. If you can do this for me, I will continue to appreciate you for who you are and be grateful to have you in my life. I'm 5'9 male and I don't consider myself to be short at all. I suppose that, depending on what pool of men you're comparing yourself to, you may be right, but it couldn't matter less. There's no tallness competition going on. I'm in a family where all the men are 6'0 or above. Also, I was an early bloomer, I was the height I am now at age 14. So I was a tall teenager, and.. It's not a big issue, but I just sense that I'm short, and have accepted that. I'm about the same size as you maybe ten pounds heavier and I've never dated. I've always been self-concious about my size, have always felt like a child, insubstantial with zero presence, and I suppose that's retarded my personality so I can't compensate in the way people here have suggested. Sorry to hear that. I hope things work out. I've also never dated well, I've had a bit of action, but nothing that went beyond, oh, a few hours and while you seem to have a feel for why you're in your predicament, I'm finding it a real pain in the ass to feel why I'm in mine. I get on great with people, like to do things, am generally confident.. Let's just call it a day and say we have incredibly high standards! Are you waiting for them to make moves and then assuming -- because they don't -- that they're not into you? Or have you actually revealed your desire to many many woman and have been rejected many times? I'm pretty sensitive to body language, but, of course, I could well be way off course in what I pick up. Put it this way, the amount of times that it was her who initiated the conversation versus me is tiny. What other subtle signals are there? Go to the most attractive and successful Casanova you know and ask him what his ratio is for times he approaches: gets approached. A guy I dated told me that men are so used to having to make that first move that if I want to indicate interest in someone, all I need to do is smile at him. If he's interested, he'll be thrilled to get that much encouragement and zoom right over.

I'm not Shallow Hal, I don't need a hypno-spell from Tony Robbins to make me appreciate inner beauty. My mom was a good looking woman, her younger sister was voted sexiest in her class in a large high school in Columbus Ohio. Your generalizing everything based on your effed upbringing. Not being able to sneak a kiss without a running jump — not my idea of fun. Women will lie straight to your face so they will not seem shallow, since women are always accusing men of being shallow, they will simply try to cover up their own shallowness. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage. But hey, it means my calves are always toned AF.